Kashmir

I arrived in Kashmir after a 1 hour plane journey. As my brain re-engaged itself with my body I was wondering if we’d stopped off in the middle of Afghanistan, what the f@!k were all these soldiers doing here? sand bags and gun implacements surrounding the airport like a fortress, where were all the other western travellers I’d been told about? They’d shown me photos of others at the Delhi Tourist office who’d signed up, was I the only loser who’d signed up? I quickly learned that I’d been dropped off in Srinigar, in the middle of what looked like a war zone. I was later to find out that this town had been the centre of some of the worst records of terrorism and civil war in Indian history, 150,00 in total dead!! mainly in the early nineties. Alot of the terrorists who supported Kashmir independence used this town as a stronghold. ‘Its OK’ the friendly taxi driver reassured me ‘there hasn’t been any trouble here for six weeks’ I was shit scared now, feeling a rumbling in my backside but tried to play it cool. The driver’s uncanny and identical resemblance to Jeremy Beadle, with the same tufty beard and weird fingers really unnerved me, had the boys at home set me up on some almighty shred? We drove through the most heavily fortified checkpoint I kept my head down, and we reached the side of a huge lake in the middle of town where I could see a line of houseboats all the designed in early century colonial style. Luckily I was staying in one of the houseboats which at least would be fairly safe, its was really quite a cool inside and quite secure to my relief and I met the manager who seemed to be fairly friendly although I was still unsure who to trust at this stage.

I sat and drunk a cup of tea as I looked over and watched the sun set over the lake and pondered to myself; this isn’t the India I was looking for; I was looking for mystic Hindus who sit, meditate and fast naked living in caves with long beards, I was looking for hi rollers who could stand on their heads and eat no tucker for days on end, I was looking for snake charmers, conjurers who could walk across hot coals, I wanted the core, the inner truth, the essence of India. I wanted to wax lyrical with gurus with ZZ Top beards and ask them questions..like…why my head was constantly poisoned with Western thoughts of women and boozing down the Kisch Lounge Riot… I wanted to ask how come Gandhi had 3 kids but abstained fro sex? Was this a hickup? How had devout Hindus who denouced sex managed to invent the Karma Sutra in their spare time, a bit blooddy inconsistent isn’t it? Why were their Gillette Sensor shaving advertisiemnets everywhere yet everyone had beards, was someone having a pop? I wanted to know if there was any shortcut available for a lapsed heathen lowrolling Catholic in achieving eternal nirvana…particularly the infinite bliss and love bit.. I was confused. Goodnight