‘A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults’- my favourite insults

A recent verbal scrape with a complete bozo-headed muppet from a digital agency prompted me to keep a few timely insults up my sleeve for future scenarios.  Here are my favourites;

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Wini Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Wini Churchill

 Great British dissing maestro- Sir Winni Churchill

“I’ve just learned about his illness; let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“I have never killed a man but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” William Faulkner

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernie Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.” – David Lloyd George

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.” – Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

”We has delusions of adequacy” Walter Kerr 

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” – Jack E. Leonard

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln

“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.” – Groucho Marx

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”- Mae West

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain

“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.” – Mark Twain

“I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”- Mark Twain

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.”- Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts–for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang

Got a decent insults to add? Post it on the comments below